Coffee Chats with Mr and Mrs Smith

Tell us a bit about yourself;

Mr:

I’m Mr. Smith. Well, at least in the LS community that’s what I go by. I’m a 30-something who runs his own business meaning 90% of what I do is marketing. Mrs. Smith and I met 20 years ago. We’re both Americans which you could probably tell by our accents. Did I mention I’m really good at bad jokes?

Ms:

I’m your typical 30-something gal who prefers coffee and conversation to loud parties.

Mr. Smith and I have been together pushing 20 years and we have 1 kiddo at home. I work in a professional environment that skews to the liberal side of things. Despite that, activities like the LS and sexuality are considered taboo.  

Do you identify as non-monogamous? Share your journey with us;

Mr:

This is a great question that required some self-reflection. The short answer is no, but maybe?

The full story is this. In our 20 years together Mrs. Smith and I have been monogamous. Then a year ago in early 2018 there was an occurrence which brought me to realise I had a fantasy of seeing Mrs. Smith being pleasured by another man. There is nothing that flips my switch more than seeing her get pleasure.

Mrs. Smith and I have always been pretty good at communicating so I thought I’d share my feelings with her. While she thought it sounded hot she made it clear she would never bring another person into our marriage.

As with many things in our marriage, however, patience and good communication can change things over time. That brings me the “but, maybe” part if the short answer.  We’ve had many discussions over the last year about the LS. What it is to others, what it could be to us, our potential boundaries and hard limits.

While we’re still undecided on play with other couples, I’m happy to say those conversations have led us to agreement on a LS vacation at some point in the next year or so. We’re hoping our schedules will allow time in 2020 to go some place. Hedo, maybe? We hear there’s some fairly fun and attractive people heading there.

Mrs:

So I identify as monogamous. But like Mr. Smith I have a bit of a caveat.

I think monogamy is being in one relationship with one person. But I see a place where I can enjoy myself, find gratification and enjoy new experiences but still be in only one relationship.

I wouldn’t necessarily even say I’m in the lifestyle…yet. Mr. Smith and I just haven’t had any real life experience with it. We’ve done a lot of discussing and will continue to do that. We’re definitely open to new experiences and redefining boundaries for ourselves. We’re still very early in this journey. The talking has been beneficial to us.

So yes identify as monogamous. For today at least.

What was the biggest hurdle for you joining the LS and why?

Mr:

As we’re still standing at the edge of the LS hot tub I can’t say there have been any big hurdles so far. Although one of our hard limits is not playing on our own home field. By that we mean our local area is a no-fly zone for the LS. Too much risk to our careers if we were found out. So that is a challenge to figuring this whole thing out.  

Mrs:

My biggest hurdle has been wrapping my head around the LS and what it means. So much of what we’ve discussed goes against societal norms. I’m realising a lot of these so called norms are ridiculous.

It’s actually been liberating to define myself how I want to and to not give a shit what society tells me I should be.

How do you think the LS will be approached by society in years to come?

Mr:

I can only speak for the USA. Given how liberalised our society is becoming I see the LS being more widely accepted, but not necessarily participated in. I don’t think consensual non-monogamy will ever replace traditional monogamy. But over the next 50-100 years I think the LS gets to a place in American society where people don’t even bat an eye at it. It just won’t be taboo or controversial any longer.

Mrs:

I’m not sure that society will change its opinion of the LS. Change is difficult for people, especially if they’re closed-minded.

In a way though, I don’t necessarily want society to change. I’m finding some level of enjoyment to the secrecy aspect of it. Sort of adds an exciting element to the journey.

How do you think we can help society accept us more?

By not demanding or forcing acceptance via courts and legislation. I think American culture will get to the place where CNM is more widely accepted. But I think using courts and legislation causes longer term resentment. It’s ultimately a net loss. Forcing acceptance may win in the short term. But kindness and patience wins the long term.

Have your discussions led to any revelations about yourselves?

Mr:

I was raised to understand marriage as a bond where she belongs to me and I belong to her. Almost feels like an ownership agreement, right?

One of the recurring themes I see in the LS is this concept that rather than belonging to your spouse you’re choosing your spouse.

For Mrs. Smith and I that represented a foundational shift in how we perceive our marriage. I wake up every day and know that she is choosing me. She could have anyone she wants be she chooses me. That’s a turn on in itself.

See, even nerds who tell goofy jokes have a chance.

Mrs:

Only that I’m finding myself feeling liberated as I’ve shed the labels that societal norms have pinned on me.

Also, discussing different scenarios and boundaries with my husband has opened physical and emotional communication between us. It’s definitely helped us grow closer and strengthen our relationship.

What is your favourite sex position and why?

Mr:

Oh this is a good one. I don’t know if this is an official name but SexInfo101.com calls it the “Twisted Kneeling Scissor.” It’s a great position because it squeezes things a little tighter and gives her access to play with my balls. Basically, it’s fucking hot and orgasms seem to be much more intense.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need some time with Mrs. Smith.

Mrs:

Mr. Smith’s answer is a good one. It’s pretty hot. But honestly I don’t have a single favorite. Whatever position it is I need to feel comfortable but not like we’re just doing the same old thing over and over. Basically as long as he’s exploring my body and touching me the right ways, I’m going to have a good time.

We’re big fans of Liberator Shapes that definitely help with getting good angles. And for me personally I love love love the Lelo Sona. That thing does things to me like, damn.

Do you have any resources or recommendations for people in the LS to check out? (Blogs, Posts, Articles, Sites, Books, Podcasts etc)

Mr:

Most of what I can suggest the LS community already knows about.

I listen to several podcasts including Swinging Downunder, That Couple Next Door and We Gotta Thing.

I ended up listening to every episode from Jay and Kay last summer. It wasn’t so much the sexiness of it so much as hearing how their LS and non-LS lives collided. Like when they had a date planned and woke up to their kid throwing up in the middle of the night. It’s every parents favorite sound to wake up to, right? Stories like that make them very relatable to us. Plus let’s not bullshit. Kay has one of the sexiest voices in podcastland.

It’s similar with Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Yes their stories are sexy. But the non-LS side of their stories humanizes them and makes them real.

And of course you two crazy ass Aussies keep us on our toes. You both come off as genuine, relaying authentic real world experience.

For those of us standing at the edge of this decision to enter the lifestyle the information all of the podcast teams share is valuable. I know for me personally I work better trying something new when I have as clear a picture as possible of what’s going to happen.

Your shows and tweets provide that.  

Mrs:

I’ll second what Mr. Smith said. The podcast world can be sexy and informative.