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What is Cuckolding? Is it wrong?

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What is Cuckolding? Is it wrong?


CuckoldingWhat is Cuckolding? What are the common misconceptions?

Written by Cate from Wanderlust Swingers Podcast; join our global diverse look into the swinging and hotwifing lifestyle.

Let me first start by sharing our personal story.

When D approached me about fantasies and the swinging lifestyle back in 2015 he bought up the term cuckolding to me as something that might interest him. I did the Cate thing and went to google to research what this term was that I’d never heard of before.

My research instantly led me to pages upon pages of people talking about humiliation cuckolding, demeaning him about his cock size, ability to make me orgasm etc. I immediately went back to D with tons of questions about this new fantasy of his and was met with “no, that’s not what I want, that’s not what I thought this was”. It turns out D was interested in hotwifing and not cuckolding.

Apparently Urban Dictionary gets it wrong sometimes…

This leads me to why I am writing this blog today, as content creators we spend our time-consuming content as well as creating it. Sometimes, we get it wrong, perhaps not intentionally or with any kind of malicious intent but instead simply because we do not know something. As content creators we can get things wrong and it’s important to put our hands up and say ‘we didn’t know something’ or ‘that YouTube video was misinformed’ or ‘we got in the expert’ and that’s exactly what we did recently, we interviewed Dr Justin Lehmiller about Cuckolding and Cuckqueaning and the common misconceptions about this form of consensual nonmonogamy

Here’s how Dr Justin Lehmiller defines Cuckolding

“Cuckolding is a term that some people might define in somewhat different ways. And that’s okay. And that’s true when we’re talking about anything that falls under the umbrella of consensual Non-Monogamy, everybody’s got their own definition. So, for me, I use the term consensual Non-Monogamy as the umbrella term for any type of relationship where there is explicit agreement amongst the partners, that there can be more than one sexual or romantic connection at a time.

And so obviously swinging falls under this umbrella of polyamory, open relationships, but also cockolding. When we think about cuckolding, it usually takes the form of one partner watching their partner have sex with somebody else. And it’s not necessarily just watching, sometimes it’s listening, right? So maybe you are listening to your partner, have sex in the next room with someone else. It can also take the form of maybe your partner goes out and has sex with somebody else, but then they tell you about it when they come home.

So, when we talk about cuckold, it gets kind of this diverse set of sexual practices, but it involves some form of partner sharing and taking sexual pleasure or enjoyment in your partner having sex with somebody else. And there might be a component of BDSM to that or there might not be, I think colloquially, a lot of people use the term hotwifing to refer to a variant of cuckolding where there isn’t any and where the motivations are a little bit different.”

{extract from Podcast episode 121 of Wanderlust Swingers Podcast}

What people commonly get wrong

As we spoke about this term we delved into the most common misconceptions about cuckolding. Here’s my personal takeaways and common misconceptions about Cuckolding

  • It is uncommon.

Dr Lehmiller explains that his studies and researched showed 50% of men and 25% of women have had this sexual fantasy. You are not alone or weird!

  • It is only men.

Women can be cucked too; they refer to themselves as cuckqueans  

  • It is all about humiliation.

There can be parallels to BDSM or humiliation, dominance, submission in cuckolding relationships however this is not necessarily required. Cuckolding is as diverse as all relationships (monogamous or non-monogamous) and there can be different interactions with different people.

  • He must have a small cock.

Many people wrongly assume that the cuck is either unable to perform, has a small cock or is just simply a dud in the sack… this is a common misconception and is even sometimes used as an insult “you’re a cuck”.

How do you define your lifestyle and relationship?

As Dr Lehmiller says in our interview, relationships and approaches to sexuality, sexual desires and nonmonogamy are all different. They can adapt and even change based on the other people you have the relationship with.

We would love to hear your stories about cuckolding, hotwifing or nonmonogamy, drop us a message with your journey or what you think about the sexual desire of being cucked.

For more information on cuckolding check out our podcast episode 121 and our interview with Dr Justin Lehmiller


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