Naked in NonMonogamy – Self Conscious

Thank you so much to Mrs K&A ATX for sharing your journey with us, this month our blogs and newsletter are all devoted to healthy mind, body and soul and we are so humbled that you’re sharing such a big part of yourself with us.

My husband and I live in Texas and we’ve been married 33 years. We began researching the Lifestyle by listening to lots of podcasts on non-monogamy last year, but only had our first date this summer. We dove in the deep end with lots of communication and have had no regrets.

Texas lovers found their tribe in the lifestyle.

I have not been able to work out much for the past 7 years due to a major medical issue. At multiple times I lost a drastic amount of weight then gained it back, messing up my metabolism quite a bit. Last year I was able to begin to rehab and build my strength back up again slowly. It has been incredibly difficult, but it has felt good to see myself get stronger, healthier, and more fit. I have struggled with my body image my whole life, partly due to past sexual abuse as well as a screwed-up mother. The past few years dealing with medical stuff has made the body image issues worse.

A few years ago, I began a journey of therapy to help with healing from my past trauma as well as the recent stuff. As I began to heal on the inside, I realized I was worth taking care of, and I also have great worth regardless of how my body looks. The medical issues greatly strengthened our marriage as my amazing husband learned to care for me without expectations, and I learned it’s ok to ask for and receive what I need. Along with the stronger marriage, the freedom from my past, and some hormone replacement therapy have all really helped me feel more sexual and sensual and given me freedom to express that in all the ways I want to.

“Nothing like getting naked in front of new people to again make me self-conscious of all my flaws now that we are in the LS”

Nothing like getting naked in front of new people to again make me self-conscious of all my flaws now that we are in the LS. However, I have also experienced increased confidence as people have related to who I am rather than how I look. I am finally starting to see myself through my husband’s eyes as beautiful. When I inevitably start to compare myself to younger, more fit women, I remind myself what I’ve battled through, knowing I am a stronger person because of it. As cheesy as it sounds, I intentionally look at myself in the mirror now and notice the things I like about my body and personality and say them out loud instead of the negative messages I used to sub-consciously think. I also intentionally just say “thank you” when my husband, a play partner, or others compliment me. That’s the best way to receive the gift they are giving me instead of thinking up all the ways I mistakenly think I don’t deserve the compliment. I am now looking forward to our first trip to Desire next year, knowing that it will just bring me further down this road.

As much as I wish I had learned all this many years ago, I’m grateful I’m here now, and also for the journey that brought me here. I am hoping more women would be empowered to start learning to love themselves just the way they are at a much younger age than I was. One resource I use is a self-compassion exercise by Kristin Neff (https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/)

I love connecting with women and men on this issue and would welcome questions and discussion. I can be reached on MeWe (Mrs. K&A ATX), Instagram (Mrsak84) or email (akatx84@gmail.com).