Flirting with Non-Monogamous People
Sucking at Flirting
(and other helpful avoidance tips)
Flirting, kind of a requirement to finding a mate right? Normal dating is no different but now in the lifestyle we have to flirt and flirt and flirt, over and over and over again…
Without flirting you’re at a serious disadvantage against the other LS people in the room or event that have flirting down to a fine art. Did you ever see a person at an event, lifestyle takeover, club or resort who just seems to flirt with total ease?
We’re about to embark upon a podcast journey with Jay and Kay from That Couple Next Door, both D and Jay feel like their wives need some Flirting 101 help! Since we’re going to explore this a little more (and before I put myself out there on a podcast) I thought I’d look a little closer at flirting.
D just seems to be totally at ease with flirting, meeting people and escalating things at any event. I on the other hand tend to wait for that signal from the other person before I flirt and even then I’m pretty socially awkward. This is particularly difficult to manage when the other man or women practices the ‘polite’ way of flirting as I may never actually know that they are interested.
Now the good news is this can be avoided, or so I’m told! Let’s first nerd out, what is flirting? I took to the internet to look for an explanation into this whole flirting game!
It makes it 1000% worse when they are approached by another person or couple who are much more forceful in their flirting tactics and the next minute, you’re left on the day bed or couch on your lonesome and feel like your months of connection efforts were pointless.
What is flirting?
Flirting is a social and sexual behavior that involves the way we communicate with people we’re interested in pursuing a deeper, more intimate relationship with.
This is why it’s important to understand the subtle signs of flirting. It will save you a ton of guesswork and confusion, and also help you up your own flirting game.
I’m not going to lie, when I read the description above (and the reason I’ve highlighted the text) is that all the references to flirting I could find spoke about it being subtle… not something that is going to hit you in the head with a house brick. So wait, are Kay and I really so horrible at flirting? Or indeed is it D and Jay who have to watch their back?!
D and I have very different styles (check out this text to a new couple), I do my best to be more assertive and he picks up the slack when I’m not pulling my weight.
I was astonished that after 1 night of partying D sent this message at 3.25am to the new couple. Hey it seems to have worked as we have another date lined up and have been chatting to them since.
I have a feeling that Jay may have sent a message or two similar to this one, we will have to quiz him on the next podcast!
“Thanks for hanging out with us tonight.
Hope you had fun, also, would love to have weird sex with you both, or one at a time….
Fuck I hope I have the right number….”
Flirting with someone new
In a word, awkward. You might find someone you like, you’re interested in them and you think they’re interested in you but how do you display interest. There’s often been times after a date when D is like oh I guess you weren’t fancy on that guy and I’m dumbfounded. I stare at him with total shock like “Weren’t you at that same date” thinking my methods of flirting had some prowess.
I’ve come to realize that my subtle methods of flirting aren’t always picked up and whilst I make an effort to show interest, use body language, use touch, smile and laugh… sometimes this just isn’t going to cut it with someone new. So which came first the chicken or the egg?! is it my fault that the guy didn’t realize I was flirting? Who is the responsible party for picking up on these advances? Honestly I think it’s both, we both need to make an effort to communicate and perhaps be as subtle as a brick and say ‘Hey, I like you!’.
Sure, this could end in a blow to the ego if they weren’t interested but perhaps that is better than the alternative of missing out and them connecting with another couple.
Flirting with an existing pants off friend
This can be easier and harder, it’s a double edged blade. You can be blunt like Jay recently on a Skype call who said something to the effect of “Oh you’re so great, I cannot wait to get in and amongst that P***y” or you could spend a weekend in Bali with friends and move from board games to shagging. Each relationship is different in how you flirt after you’ve already been to the bedroom and we hope to explore this a little more on an upcoming podcast.
I think with existing friends you can be yourself a little more, be a little more risqué so maybe more assertive flirting practice can be done with existing friends.
Maybe she’s just not that into you?
No, I’m not talking about the book (although a good read 11 years ago when I was suffering from a breakup). I’m talking about the partner of the guy I’m trying to make a connection with, in recent times I’ve found that I’ve been off put by the female half of the couple and this has led to me seriously backing off.
As D’s partner in the LS, it’s as much my responsibility to flirt with the other man as it is to let the other female know that I’m ok with her flirting with D. Otherwise if she gets the (perhaps incorrect) assumption that I don’t want to see her with D than she will turn her attention away. This leads to both D and I feeling at a loss when we were hoping for a connection.
So if you’re in the lifestyle with a partner, make sure you are giving the green light to the other person/couple for flirting. Make them feel comfortable and that their advances are accepted and exciting.
Are they Flirting?
10 helpful tips and changes to answer the question “are they flirting” it’s your responsibility to flirt outwards and to be open to receiving flirts inwards
- Behavior changes when they are around you
- They find a way to touch you
- There’s plenty of eye contact
- They move into your line of sight
- Their body is pointed in your direction
- Their body language changes
- They tease you
- They always laugh at your jokes
- They fidget in suggestible ways
- They are relax and present
So does the ‘good guy’ always get the girl or does the proudest and most assertive man in the yard?
From my recent experience in 2018 it is the most assertive, we have missed a few opportunities by not being assertive enough and now we will never know if things could have been different, so why not give it a go, there’s only crushing rejection to contend with next…. #Easy
Head over and check out the accompanying podcast to this blog, we speak with Jay and Kay from That Couple Next Door Podcast and discuss flirting.
Yours in awkward subtle flirting style,
5 Types of Flirting Styles
Did you realize there are 5 different styles for flirting? I was interested to know more about this and figure out where I might sit so I did a quick search and wanted to share with you. Which do you and your partner identify with?
In this category, men are much more likely to make the first move while women are happy to sit back and wait for their knight in shining armor to come galloping along on their white horse.
Picture this scenario: when you start laughing, your hand naturally goes to touch the other person’s knee.
This is by far the most common type of flirting. Seeing someone from across the room that takes your fancy and you want to break the ice with them by complimenting their style or what newspaper they may be reading is an easy and subtle flirting style.
This method of flirting could be classified as the most controversial. People who use flirting as a tool, rather than actually engaging in flirting because they are interested in someone fall into this category.
The last style is also the least obvious and is loved by the quietly reserved and the introverted among us. There is a downside to being polite though and that is that no one may even notice that you are flirting!